The lateness of this report reflects how for the last 6 months I’ve been catching up with myself as I’ve travelled to China, Italy and Spain, moved out of my family home, lived for a month in two different locations, completed my Reflexology qualification, continued documenting Ramifications (my art project of painted trees) and immigrated to Barcelona. The constant change and movement has been inspiring, opening, challenging, and tiring.
I’ve enjoyed periods of regular practice in quieter or more focused weeks but unfortunately otherwise not been able to touch my practise during busy periods. However, the importance of Deep Listening to me has become clearer and stronger each day I’ve been away from it. In the early days of the New Year I found time to evaluate how to really look after myself and needs and was able to find striking realisations. It became clear that I wish to abide in that which does not come or go and do activities that help me towards enjoying such a space. After investing time in considering what is key for me, I wish to translate my deepened understanding and awareness in a productive and beneficial way to enjoy developing my Deep Listening practice and share it with other souls.
Although my experience the last few months have been sporadic, what has stayed with me are beautiful moments and connections with others. For this report I share a handful of the more heart warming and kindling experiences as a way of showing my interests and progress. I wish that in time and with my renewed vigour these seemingly disparate events will develop their own dynamic together.
Experiences with Sound
My sound meditation’s have been the most challenging for me, for the chatter in my mind and my tiredness have been over-riding. This has shown me simply how much my mind whirls, and how much it need not either. There have been some moments of magic between the chatter where sounds I normally identify with things or people became tones so the landscape of sound was a symphony textures. This was always very beautiful and let me in to more listening, I look forward to taking this thread and listening out for more.
Below are two experiences where I listened closely from being intimately involved in a situation rather than choosing to listen specifically.
11.11.2008
While hugging and kissing my trees yesterday, the sound of trees became clearer for the first time. The silence at the end of dawn when little moves within people’s homes and cars have found their way home, gave me the focus to listen to the soft rustle of the trees. I realised the variety of leaf and branch movements had its own form. Initially, I generalised the rustle of the movements but listening closer I heard a symphony of sounds from the pervading calm trunks and arms of the trees.
30.12.2008
Late one night in September my friend Pouya and I were walking back home after conversing with friends in a pub in Oxford. The sound of an exotic instrument asked us to stop and explore its wonderful sounds more. A tall and slim dark Zimbabwean man-boy called Kinkoa greeted us warmly and with a big white smile showed us his Mbira. He taught Pouya a tune in the middle of the street until Kinkoa’s neighbour requested they stopped so she could sleep. It was the beginning of a good friendship between these two men.
Today I saw Pouya again before my departure to Barcelona to celebrate New Year’s Eve. Pouya had found a friend in his instrument. An instrument I came to learn was from the Shona people of Zimbabwe. Since seeing him last, he had been given one as a gift from his teacher friend, a large African man whom still wore his traditional clothes and walked bare foot in England although he had been living there for twenty years.
Pouya played a few songs for me. The first time he played we were next to the riverbanks of the Thames, near the Peace Pagoda in Battersea Park. The lapping water against the concrete riverbank reminded me of a dear friend listening too to water on her Dahabeeyah Dongola boat along the Nile in Egypt. I wonder how water running up the riverbank sounds there, would it be softer against the earth there? It was hard to extract solely the lapping water where I was, with the people walking past, dogs, and cars. I came to the conclusion at the time that the water is likely to sound similar in the middle of the Thames and Nile banks, but how I hear the water sounds is what distinguishes the two locations. For, the surrounding sound and physical environments influence how I listen and what I listen to, although the water’s soft and gentle sounds are soothing and similar.
While lost in these thoughts, Pouya started playing his Mbira. The experience was one I’ve never felt so strongly before. The sounds and harmonies went through my body, they were on the same wavelength as my soul, body and mind. I moved and danced without control or conscious thought. In my mind’s eye, I saw plains and black people moving their bodies around the Mbira players. I felt the heat of the African sun passing through me. The intensity of the visualisation and movement brought me into what felt like another world. I was stunned after he stopped playing, amazed at how sound could touch, feel and penetrate me so much.
Experiences with Movement
Tai Chi has been with me most regularly over the last 6 months. Although it has had its sporadic periods too, my society offer classes in both London and Barcelona, which has given me a ground to return to more readily within a community of friendly, warm and generous people. Sharing my passion for Tai Chi with others has been a rewarding and enthusing part of my practice. I would like to regularly share sound and dream with others too to give energy to my studies and interests for I realise this activates and inspires my learning and practise. In the near future I will initiate a workshop with friends to meet regularly and explore Deep Listening exercises and practices.
I have not been too creative with my exploration of the body yet, although I’ve recently bought many exciting books, which are waiting to be opened when they arrive with me in my new dwelling in Barcelona. Their authors explore the anatomy of the body with movement and creativity, walking, Chinese meridians and the art of touch.
Below I share recent inspirations when thinking about movement:
Corrections from my Tai Chi teachers
“When a teacher gives a correction to the student, he not only helps him with the form of the movement but enriches his spirit too.” This comment from Janice was very true for me when I received a correction from my teachers -
Mode: ‘It’s great you understand the form Charlotte: the timing and intention of each aspect of the move along with when to distribute the weight. Try now to do the move more gently.” This is was a poignant remark for me, often I understand things, and make sure to do it well, but neglect the aspect of enjoying what I’m doing, and feeling things fully by relaxing into it, and moving gently.
Mark: ‘It’s best to use your awareness and sensitivity to guide you when to move as supposed to your eyes and judgement’ Mark shared this with me when we were doing the Tai Chi exercise ‘Push Hands’ together. I understood this as our body and awareness is more sensitive than our thought and eyes. Working on developing these aspects will help me enjoy and experience life more.
8.1.2009
During my last tai chi class there was a power cut. The whole area was affected. There was a single light in the hallway to the room we practised in that was on a separate circuit, remaining unaffected. This light and the moonlight were the only sources of light initially. The sudden large dark room quickly became a vessel holding the 25 people in the room. Once I eyes adjusted to the dimmer light, I saw a language of body expressions and movements. Although I could make out people’s faces, their body form spoke – some were curious as to what we can do next, others were not bothered and huddled with others to talk, some people enjoyed the quiet time and stood back from the crowds.
The leaders of the class found candles soon after the cut. Slowly, softly, elegantly, they positioned the short candles around the edges of the room. They gave enough light to practise in for those whom wished to stay. We practised ‘Brush Knee’s’ which was a slow, forward moving part of the set, a safe exercise in the light conditions. People’s shadows played on the walls. The variety of movements while performing ‘Brush Knee’ was amplified within the class. Some people were soft, others hard, or rigid, gentle, forced, keen, withheld, and short. People’s state of mind’s and character’s ventured out from their bodies like ghosts. The experience was very poetic and visual. I learnt a lot about how body language can reveal one’s thinking and being.
Experiences with Dreams
During periods when I felt more settled or I got a solid 8/9 hours sleep my mind created more memorable space for dreaming over the last few months. The dreams were more colourful than I’ve ever had. People in my life featured and I interacted with them. Before I had negative associations with dreaming and felt a bit of a block here, so it is a relief to begin to dream more creatively again and enjoy dedicating time to incubate them.
4.1.09, Exotic Deep Listening Retreat
Last night, humming myself to sleep was very relaxing. I found I was very tight and massaged some points. It was very deep, surprisingly so for such a simple process. It felt very good to hear my body and where I am – look forward to doing more. Feel really refreshed and full of energy this morning.
Dreamt of a Deep Listening retreat on a boat in the Caribbean. Warm sun, island cliffs, clear blue sea. We were all deeply listening to the sounds of the ocean. We stayed under water for a while as we had snorkels – listening to fish and dolphins. A joy to be with other Deep Listener’s in this exotic, inspiring, wonderful and enchanting place.
14.11.08, Geraldine and springing
Dreamt of Geraldine with a T-shirt on saying happy words, ‘This is how far you’ve gone at the beginning, you will jump to the stars!’ Her smiling face apparent and fantastic.
Then another dream of people springing from the air, aware of the energy that can be brought to them. They regain it and literally spring to the air with it – I watch from afar. Inspired, I look forward to receiving this myself.. as I desperately need it.
27.12.08, Karolina and Poland
Dreamt of seeing Karolina in Poland. Of visiting an old artist woman who was very beautiful – she was more an art historian, collector figure of experience but know of many artists and offered to look at my work and help. It took a while for us to meet somehow.. the dream spent a lot of time building this woman up. Karolina told me about her too – the way she smoked revealed her character. The way she took the cigarette away from her. Time, plastic, sensitivity. I then saw Karolina in Poland – we laughed, short hair, smiles, awkward, time.
A potential art project in collaboration with an Italian artist and curator this coming summer has arisen for me. We chose to develop a project exploring dreams together as this was a common interest between us all. Please see our proposal for more detail. It was really exciting to work intensely with others and think about creatively exploring dreaming.
Other processes, influences and inspirations
• Brandon Bay’s processes in her Journey work to explore one’s soul and heal emotional and physical disharmonies, has helped me with many aspects of my life the last few months.
• Learning a new language, I have found I listen differently in conversations and have changed the way I speak to others.
• Studying Traditional Chinese Medicine has opened other ways of perceiving the body and its rhythms. For instance, Chinese doctors distinguish different overarching sounds of the voice to one of the five elements: Wood-shouting, Fire-laughing, Earth-singing, Metal-weeping, Water-groaning. When they hear their patients speak this is one of the aspects of their whole they analyse to understand their health condition. I find this fascinating - how much one perceive about another just by listening!
Deep Listening projects and creative work
At the moment I’m still trying to find my feet and develop a more regular rhythm in life, along with a more regular practice. So until my next report, I will focus on doing this in order to find a longer term project for myself. With my new context in Barcelona, I’m finding many questions are arising about my identity and loving myself. The Deep Listening practise is informing this understanding and helping me relax more into myself. I look forward to enriching myself and connection with others through this work and enjoying what comes.