Looking back over the passing months since my last report in January, I’ve worked mostly on listening more deeply to myself, which has introduced me to new internal experiences and understandings. In turn, I’ve been able to share myself more fully with others and experience deep listening interactions with them. This positive feedback has begun to encourage me to tune into sound, sound my micro and macro environment, and be aware of movement and dreaming more readily.
I
An important experience which greatly informed my process of listening more deeply inside came about when I chose to spend a whole day with myself in bed after an emotionally exhausting few days. I let my feeling and fear of loneliness which always haunted me come up to the surface (inspired by a process from The Journey by Brandon Bays). I surrendered to its presence in my mind-body-spirit and looked at my soul straight on with all its bruises. For the first time I just looked at myself - my bruises didn’t look too bad, and I realised most of these were self-inflicted. Seeing myself, listening to my breathing, and being with myself – they all spiralled out from a deep place within me. An image appeared in a card I drew from my Soul Card pack describes my sleeping and my more conscious connection to my soul.
II
Another important change since January has been identifying with another name of mine
given at birth by my mother - huì - the pinyin and pronunciation of my Chinese name.
There is a delightful story as to how my name revealed itself to me again~
On my last night of a second short visit to England, I was packing up my belongings at in my bedroom when my mother earnestly and zealously walked into my room with a black and white printed sheet.
“Charlotte, look, take this. Here - - this is a photocopy of the back of one of my books by my Buddha. Look! He writes your name in beautiful calligraphy. I made a copy for you so when you write your name in Chinese with ink and brush, you can draw inspiration from his strokes.”
I thanked her gratefully but did not think too much of it, put the sheet to one side and continued with my task at hand. Later on that night, while attending to my packing, my mother took it to herself again to enter once more,
“Charlotte! Look! Here is your sister’s name in Chinese, also written by my Buddha at the back of one of his books. Take this photocopy so you can write Rachel’s name too.”
And then she decided that actually, I ought to have my whole name and indeed my sister’s too, written down in my journal so I have it to hand when I need it. As she wrote our names, it was then she started saying our names aloud in Cantonese, the Chinese language spoken in Hong Kong where she is from.
Intrigued by her outburst, I decided to once and for all actually look into our names and find out what they mean, for my mother has a tendency of saying what she thinks is right without really knowing if it is correct, even when it comes to the names of her children in her own language! Looking up ‘wei’ primarily as she had written in my journal, I could not find the character she had written in the dictionary. So I did a search of the English word ‘wisdom’ which she claimed to be the meaning of my name. Yes, the character came up, but the pinyin/ pronunciation was different – instead of ‘weì’, it was ‘huì’. She remarked,
“Ah, yes! This is your name in Mandarin, you should use the Mandarin pronunciation of your name, more people will be able to understand and pronounce your name.”
So there I had it, my childhood name, pronounced in a slightly different way, but in a way that resonated with me immediately, particularly when my own mother said it. The sound felt clear, simple, direct, and me in a way ‘Charlotte’ never had before. I like its monosyllabic form and soft but strong sound. Since, I’ve asked close friends to call me by my new name and have introduced myself to new people with it. It has been a pleasure to identify with the sound.
It has also been a pleasure to identify with my new name because of its meaning. Its sound reminds me of the wisdom to take good care of my heart/mind.
I have written at length about identifying with my returned name and its sound because I remember one of Pauline’s Guided Mediatations, Name Sound, which explores the sounding of one’s name. It has got me thinking about names, naming, identifying, being… for example:
Can you imagine the sound of your given name in your right ear?
Can you imagine the sound of your given name said by a good friend?
Can you imagine the sound of your given name as if it were called by the wind?
Can you imagine the sound of your given name heard on the radio?
~*~
I have outlined two significant events since January which have vastly influenced my Deep Listening practice and opened up a more free and deeper creativity within my. There have been other experiences which have informed my practice too:
• Walking hand in hand with a loved one for hours over several days in silence by the sea, in mountains, in urban spaces and locations with lots of people
• Sounding the changing direction of crashing waves onto a beach with a loved one
• Leading the performance of The Heart Chant by Pauline Oliveros with two friends at dusk in the old city park Cituat Vella, Barcelona
• Walking in the passage way of silence in the Basilica of Montserrat Abbey, Catalunya
• Attending the AGM of Edireflex (A Reflexology Association based in Barcelona – www.edireflex.com) where there were passionate women whom wished to promote Reflexology from their human need to support, educate, diffuse, promote, share, and give. At the end of the meeting, these women played ‘games’ to celebrate their coming together and break the talking and order of the day. These games utilized sound, movement and touch in an uplifting way for all those who willingly wanted to share and be in community with one another. I was amazed at the creativity, humanness and openness of this group of people in their play together. See notes at the end for a description of the ‘games’ played with my own interpretation and small additions.
My increasing number of lived experiences with a more conscious awareness and regular touching of listening in different mediums has been my main opening and learning these last few months. Somehow, finding a more regular rhythm has been deeply healing and rewarding for me. It has given me hope that it is possible to make creative work and be creative without draining too much energy (a pattern I found energising but depleting too before) and source energy from our everyday lives and interactions. This has been key, alongside growing up and learning about myself. This an ongoing process of course, but my move to Barcelona, and all the things that come with it, good and bad, which I could never have imagined, has made this growing up process a little more heightened recently.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve begun to start drawing again, but from a renewed spirit and holistic listening ear. And, developing my Deep Listening practice and living in general has been a heart warming and healing cradle in my creative explorations and enjoyment of life!
How can we use movement games to induce listening, sharing and heart warming connections with ourselves and one another?
Games inspired by activities at Edireflex AGM, 28.2.09 with personal nuances:
The human car wash
• A group of people split their number in two to stand opposite each other in a long line a body width apart to create a human tunnel whose length is equal on both sides.
• It is suggested to begin at one end of the room for each person will gradually make their way down the tunnel and thus extend its length.
• One end is designated the front of the tunnel, where the person at that end first enters the tunnel and gradually makes their way down it.
• Those whom she passes “cleanse” her following the car wash system – soap, wash, blow dry, wax – using their hands and bodies, making sounds, blowing air… encourage all to be as creative as possible!
• Once the first person has begun to make their way down the tunnel, the next person starts walking down it too, receiving the same “cleansing”.
• When the first person has reached the end of the tunnel, she aligns herself next to the last person of the tunnel in order to extend it and take part in cleaning those whom pass in front of her, bearing in mind the position of point along the car wash system.
• Keep going until everyone has been cleansed at least once!
Massaging one another
• Working in pairs, take it in turn to massage one another paying attention to different tempo’s, weight of touch, use of hand and body in giving touch, and making sounds with your voice to complement/contrast your movements. For example, some movements may be swaying, others utilize the tips of your fingers, you may work from the head down or concentrate on different area of the body, go fast/slow, be light/strong, work in front/behind, make a pattern/focus..
• While one massages and makes sounds, the receiver must sound their experience/reaction to the massage.
• Both actions, in the hope to guiding one another during their collaboration, encouraging each other to listen to one another, feed their close connection with another during the period of the massage and create a new sounded experience of their time together.
Wooooooooooo
This sound is what I remember when coming towards the two groups of women performing this game.
• In a group no larger than ten, stand closely together in a circle with someone standing in the middle within arm’s reach.
• All those on the edge of the outer circle tap their fingers on the top of the head person in the middle and make a sound.
• After a few moments, those on the outer edge of the circle brush their hands all the way down the person’s body, simultaneously making a ‘wooooo’ sound - as if brushing and sounding away any negativity and tensions.
• Repeat at least 5 times for each person.